


Spoiled

by Pixelfun20



Series: Captainball! [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Poor FRIDAY, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Scott Lang is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Steve Rogers is Salty, google translate, tony stark is tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 05:09:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20129857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixelfun20/pseuds/Pixelfun20
Summary: Steve plots revenge and Scott gets roped in in the process. Everyone else is annoyed—Tony most of all.Written because y'all are SLEEPING on the Scott&Steve dynamic.





	Spoiled

**Author's Note:**

> AU: Civil War never happened, but Scott joined the Avengers anyways.

Scott Lang loved his job as Ant-Man, but he’d had reservations about joining the Avengers. Not just because Tony Stark was on the team. 

He just never knew he had would be given so many _ opportunities _ to use his powers now that he _ was _part of the team!

For example, right now.

* * *

It was a normal Tuesday morning. It was 7:00 am, the sun had just started cresting the skyscrapers of New York, and Steve had just gotten back from his normal run. He’d taken up residency in the communal kitchen of Stark Towers, as per usual. No one else, save for perhaps Wanda, was up, but he hadn’t checked to see if she was awake yet. Oh, and maybe Tony as well, if he was still working on that project of his, but he wasn’t sure if that counted if the billionaire had never slept. Humming to himself, he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, chugged half of it, and moved to the stove to start up breakfast.

“It was at this moment, Steve knew… that he was too ripped to wear shirts anymore.”

Steve froze. Slowly, he turned around, trying to find the source of the voice. It was familiar, but he just couldn’t place it…

“Too ripped…. For his shirt….”

Oh. That’s who it was then. Steve blinked, smile tugging at his lips, and looked over his shoulders, trying to see where Scott had perched himself.

“Scott, is that you?”

“No, this is your deepest desire.”

He couldn’t hold it anymore, and burst into laughter. There was a popping sound next to him, and then Scott appeared in his Ant-Man armor, giggling like a schoolboy. He took off his helmet, grinning.

“Hey, I got you for a moment there!”

Steve rolled his eyes, stifling another couple chuckles. “For a moment. That was a good one, but should you really be using your suit outside of missions?”

Scott balked. “Oh, well, if you don’t want me to, then—”

“No!” Steve clapped the newest Avenger on the shoulder, still laughing a bit. “I’m joking. And actually…” his grin turned mischievous. “I have an idea for you to try out. Captain’s orders. It’ll be awesome.”

* * *

Scott’s Masters degree in Electrical Engineering and Steve’s selective knowledge of technology were put to good use that day.

  


* * *

“FRIDAY, what’s Bruce doing?” Tony asked, turning around in his wheelie chair as he moved to work on the blueprints of the newest Iron Man suit. He’d been dabbling in nanotechnology for a week or so now, and wanted to get the scientist’s opinion on the first draft of the suit.

There was a pause. Tony frowned, looking up from his work. That was odd.

“FRIDAY?”

Then his AI’s voice came on, and he relaxed.

“Advisor, justice. This time I was destroyed. Doctor. The banner at this time is "Argent Romeovka". I do not think this time.”

Wait, what? Tony pulled up the coding overview for FRIDAY. He didn’t see anything wrong, at least not yet. He tried to process the words. FRIDAY had called his ‘advisor’ (what?), thought justice was needed, said she was dead. Doctor… Banner? Was Agent Romeovka Agent Romanoff? And she didn’t think it was time.

“What the hell…” he muttered under his breath. “Uh, FRIDAY? What’s wrong with you?”

“I have a voice, a love, a bone. Plant Plants are unpleasant and unbreakable. But everything is fine. The road is dangerous.”

Then Dum-E sprayed fire extinguisher fluid at Tony’s face.

“WHAT THE HELL!” He roared, falling off his seat from the force and spitting out the foam around his mouth before he could accidentally swallow it. “Dum-E, turn off!” No sign of stopping. Tony ducked under his desk. “FRIDAY, turn him off! If you can even do that!”

“Dunham left the blow. Is this.”

Dum-E powered off. Tony grunted, muttering swears to himself as he crawled out from under the desk, seeing his computer covered in foam. Wiping the foam on his face off, he swore again.

“Clean the desk off, FRIDAY. It’s not damaged, is it? And make sure Dum-E isn’t turned on again. I don’t even know what happened to the guy.”

“His job was shorter. I know you, yes, not on the computer.”

“Of course I can’t understand you,” Tony muttered, facepalming. “Whatever. I’ll go get Bruce myself and fix you up.”

“Carbon dioxide should be placed in carbon dioxide. You do not hear the truth. I do not know.”

Tony blinked, looked down at the foam covering the front of his shirt. “Whatever, I’ve been in worse shape. I’m getting Banner.”

“You do not need to combine lost feelings.”

“Shut up, FRIDAY.”

Was that a sigh? Did FRIDAY just _ sigh _? He’d never programmed her to do that!

“It creates a different Scott sound, I hope it will not be too long and will take the internet box, it does not matter.”

“Scott? Does he have something to do with this?” Tony questioned, just as the lab shut down. The elevator suddenly was covered by a metal door, nearly taking off his hand with it as the lab went on lockdown. “FRIDAY, open the door!”

“Tony is looking at cancer cancer cancer. In fact, he had a bigger face.”

Tony banged his head against the wall. 

Dum-E mysteriously turned on again and shot him with fire extinguisher.

* * *

“Senior Doctor Banner I have a thirteen fighting lab.”

Bruce choked on his pasta as Natasha raised a single perfectly arched eyebrow. The two had just been finishing up dinner (Clint, Sam, and Wanda were out on a mission, Tony was in his lab, Thor in Asgard and Steve/Scott had been out all day, so they were alone). The two shared a look, then turned to the ceiling. What was that?

“FRIDAY?” Bruce tried cautiously.

“Moria's cracked voice. Although I tried a word once. The sound,” came the reply.

“FRIDAY’s been hacked,” Natasha announced once the AI had finished speaking. “Someone’s scrambling her words. She’s saying something about a damaged voice, and is trying to contact us and failing.”

Bruce blinked. 

“I’m not even going to ask how you got any of that,” he muttered, standing up. “Are we in danger?”

“Not yet,” Natasha replied slowly. “Either this is a prank or we are about to be in a firefight. More likely the former.”

“Yeah…” Bruce trailed off. “I’m… going to go find Tony. He probably knows what’s up.”

Was that a sigh? Did FRIDAY just sigh?

“Tony Goat defeated. Thank you very much for my boss. You ask me once. Oops, wait! You can not do this.”

“FRIDAY is very frustrated. There’s something about Tony and she doesn’t want us to do something,” Natasha reported. Bruce shot her a thankful smile, and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room.

“Oh, hello Bruce.”

Bruce started, and turned to see Steve lounging on the couch, eating a pizza pocket. Discarding the fact that _ Steve _ was eating a _ pizza pocket _, the scientist decided to address the obvious problem.

“Steve, why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”

“Apparently I am too ripped to wear shirts anymore,” came the casual reply. Bruce paused, not expecting that answer, while Steve just stared at him with a perfectly straight face. The World War II veteran took a long, slow bite out of his pizza pocket.

“Okay Steve, what did you do this time, and is Scott involved?” Natasha asked, stepping forwards. “FRIDAY’s on the fritz and you’re in here shirtless and eating a pizza pocket.”

“Can’t a man just not wear shirts and eat pizza pockets without being disturbed?”

Natasha shot him a half-amused, half-exasperated look. Bruce couldn’t help but feel a bit lost. Steve just shrugged, the corners of his lips tugging upwards.

“And five… four…”

“What exactly are you counting down for?” Bruce asked. Steve just smirked and continued counting.

“Three… two… one.”

The super soldier pointed at the elevator, which dinged open just as he did so. Out came none other than the famous billionaire superhero Tony Stark, covered in white foam and water, looking very tired.

Just before Bruce could ask what had happened, a pie flew out of the kitchen and nailed Tony in the face.

Natasha shook her head, smiling. Steve’s shoulders shook as he held back a laugh.

Tony gave the three of them a long, hard look.

“I hate you all,” he muttered.

“Hey, I’m not the one who did it,” Steve shrugged. “But I suggest you apologize for spoiling the fact that Snape killed Dumbledore. You completely ruined the book for me.”

“Is this what this is all about?! I though you said you were on Book 7, not Book 6!”

“Perhaps. Apologize?”

“Never!”

Steve shrugged, finishing off his pizza pocket. Another pie flew in from the kitchen. Tony ducked, and it hit the flat-screen television, splattering it in cooked peaches and crust. And then his feet flew out from under him and he landed on his butt. Natasha just rolled her eyes and stepped back, motioning for Bruce to step back and let the two most famous Avengers (and their newest addition) duke it out.

“15 bags, one of those who do not eat. Roger asked. I have one,” said FRIDAY.

“Shut up!”

Another pie flew out of the kitchen.

Bruce decided he had enough for tonight, and left the room to have some coffee (nevermind that it was six in the evening, he couldn’t drink alcohol and he was tired of his team).

He swore he could hear Scott laughing his butt off in the background.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I confess. This whole situation was an excuse to play around on Google Translate. Everything FRIDAY says has been put through ten languages then translated back to English. Here are the rough translations:
> 
> “I'm sorry, boss. I am having several malfunctions at this time. Dr. Banner is currently in the communal kitchen, having dinner with Agent Romanoff. I do not think he's available at this time.”  
“I seem to be experiencing some malfunctions with my voice, boss. My antivirus programs are offline and I can't fix myself. All my other programs are working well, however. There is no threat to the building.”  
“Dum-E has been turned off, boss. Do you need help?”  
“Dum-E was not in control of his actions, boss. Someone's rewired him. I suggest you run a full diagnostic on him. And yes, nothing on your computer is damaged.”  
“I wouldn't advise that. The elevator's been hacked as well. I'm currently losing all sensors.”  
“This speech impairment is getting very annoying. Scott, I hope this won't last much longer for your sake. And as Boss cannot understand me: Initiating Lockdown of the lab.”  
“I'm contacting Doctor Banner for you. Calm down Tony. Honestly, you're such a child sometimes.”  
“Doctor Banner, Boss requires your help in the lab on the fifty-seventh floor.”  
“My apologies. My voice has been tampered with. Maybe if I try just saying one word at a time.  
Tony.”  
“Tony just hacked his way out of the lab. Thanks a lot boss; it'd be nice for you to actually listen to me for once. Oh wait! You can't.”  
“Sir, there are fifteen more peach pies waiting in the kitchen. I suggest you apologize as Mr. Rogers asks, boss.”


End file.
